What influences a man to get back with an ex-girlfriend? What about a time frame?
I’m recently out of a 6 month relationship. Things were good for the first 5 months. About a week after the holiday family meeting thing I started to sense a shift in his interest (not initiating spending time as often, physical distance began, less communication occurred). I was scared to talk about it fearing it would end what I saw as a good thing. I wanted to ride it out and I compensated for his distance by going overboard on the Christmas gifts and making plans for us.
After about 1 month of my compensation, he stood me up- something he knows I don’t tolerate. I called him out on it. The phone conversation was one-sided. I was either explaining my side or there was silence. I said:
*Are things different now than they were 2 days, weeks, months ago? Because it feels that way to me. —-he denied it.
*I didn’t want to say something I would regret but if he had something to say to me then he should just man up and say it. —he said nothing.
*He said that he screwed up. I asked if that was morse code for I’m sorry—-he made no reply or apology.
*I needed dependability because that is how trust is built and that is fundamental for a relationship.
*I didn’t want to continue to have this same conversation again.
*He could call me when he has time for me.
So questions:
*How much time would pass before I hear back?
*Would calling him change the situation?
*Was he freaked over meeting eachother’s families/ the expensive Christmas gifts I gave him?
*What’s the chances he’ll return?
*Other input?
Follow-up:
9 days passed without me hearing from him. I was just back from a friend’s dad’s funeral and decided to call him after hearing the friend say, “Just call him. People miss out on so much just because of stubborness, etc.” I got his voicemail and left a message saying it had been awhile and hoping that he could call me back so we could talk things over rationally. The next day he turned his myspace profile to single and left me as his #1.
A couple days passed and I sent an email his way again asking for time to meet face-to-face and talk rationally. He did not reply.
Call me crazy but I can’t just let things go that are important to me so I went to his place and got my closure.
His actions said it all but I needed the talk.
He didn’t give me any essay answers to my questions but did say that I can’t always expect to hear an I’m sorry because “I am not a child and you are not my mother.” I asked him when he lost interest and then he said admitted it was, “About a month ago”- when I sensed it. I asked if he was going to say anything and like me, he “just wanted to ride it out and hope it got better but it kept getting worse.” I said that our situation would only work if both of us wanted to work on it and I offered my willingness to do so when he said that he didn’t think it would work. I nodded and said that’s what I needed to hear then to move on.
I know that he is now on eharmony because he’s made it to open communication with a co-worker of mine. That situation only seems to move forward when I contact him (the first time was after my face-to-face chat w/him and second after I called him to ask who his eye Dr. was since I needed to find one). After each time I contact him, he would recontact the co-worker and after she’s replied he drops her.
Since all this, I’ve dropped him out of my friends list on myspace and will not contact him again. Seems that when I do it pushes him towards others, which while he’s free to do so since we aren’t together, I’m still connected at the heart.
*How do I move forward?
*When/what makes someone resurface for the repeat relationship thing?
*Any predictions on this one? His roommate told me that he has a history of repeat relationships.
I know it serves me no purpose to be hopeful for something I can’t influence – or can I influence it?
pure insanity.
You have shown pretty clearly what your attitude is here…and what
he can expect in the future… have you ever heard the
expression…”hes just not that into you” ? Quit being such a
bitch, move on and leave this guy alone. He’s not for you. More
importantly, you are not for him.