Actual Newspaper Headlines! Read If You Need a Good Laugh?

Question by Willy: Actual Newspaper Headlines! Read If You Need a Good Laugh?
Willys cynical thought for the fugging day,

This sign will be posted wherever I work: “We don’t discriminate against crazy people, but if you’re stupid you’re on your freaking own!”

*Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

*Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

*Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

*Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

*Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

*Farmer Bill Dies in House

*Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

*Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

*Stud Tires Out

*Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

*Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

*Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

*British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

*Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

*Eye Drops off Shelf

*Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

*Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

*Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

*Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

*Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

*Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

*Miners Refuse to Work after Death

*Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

*Stolen Painting Found by Tree

*Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

*Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

*Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

*Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

*Drunken Drivers Paid $ 1000 in `84

*War Dims Hope for Peace

*If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

*Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

*Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Murder

*Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

*Deer Kill 17,000

*Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

*Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

*New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

*Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

*Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

*Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

*Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

*British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

*Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

*Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

*Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

*New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

*Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

*Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

*Air Head Fired

*Steals Clock, Faces Time

*Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

*Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

*Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

*Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

*Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

*Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

*Include your Children when Baking Biscuits

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

From; Willy Jokes archives! Best jokes anywhere cause I steal from everywhere!

Best answer:

Answer by HillierT
hahaha those were great, thank you. My favorite was “Prostitutes Appeal to Pope”

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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